I have spent much of my 18 years exploring and pondering things...
The one thing that I have delved deeply into is the human psyche, and in these past few years, my own. I realized that I spent so much time trying to please other people that I would constantly change my mannerisms and personality just to suit the group of people I was with at that moment. I then realized how much I had evolved- becoming a person confident in who I was and how my life was going...it made me smile.

But then I realized how much of that was just my brain trying to bs me...I am confident to a point and I don't always take much stock in my own convictions. I am so afraid of not being perfect that I cannot allow myself to trust other people and be open. I am too afraid to let someone love and care about me, because I wouldn't want to get too attached to those feelings, for fear that one day, that person would no longer be there. I figured out that much of who I am is afraid of being that forthcoming, confident, fearless person, because I still wouldn't want to offput those around me or upset anyone's apple cart.

I hope that one day I can overcome all this. I will overcome this.

Thanks for listening.
*As-salaamu Alaikum*
Blessed be all...